He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
