I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
