before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
