hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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