Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
