you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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