If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The maid of honor just puked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
