why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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