i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
