you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
