He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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