There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
