ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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