I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
