I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
