Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
