i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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