What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
