last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
