Whod you bang
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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