I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
