he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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