He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
