Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
