I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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