did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize