There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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