i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
