My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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