tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
