She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
