I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
