so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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