Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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