If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I see more hoeing in ur future
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