The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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