I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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