If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
