I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
sarcasm needs its own font
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's always time for handjobs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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