come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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