How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
