i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
