well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize