Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
