guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
