Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She bit a glass in half.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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