You're my little dorito
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
