he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
