he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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