i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
zippers are such a cool invention
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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