i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
