I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
