DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I intend to get homeless drunk
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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