Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
