You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
