I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
