i think i have two assholes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
