Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
