So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You need a sexual gate keeper
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
