You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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