Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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