its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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