Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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