It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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