my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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